Saturday, November 3, 2018


Yesterday was my dad's birthday. I always anitcipate it coming. I know that I won't be able to predict how I feel when the day arrives. And then I look for signs. Signs that it's all ok. 
Yesterday was a teacher work day which meant I cleaned my house and worked hard at home, distracted by Greer saying "hold me" fifteen X 11 times. She's recovering from being sick and only wants me. It's ok. I read a post the other day about rememering to watch your babies sleep, etc. They grow so fast. So I held her a lot and while she napped, I took down fall decorations and worked on what felt like a months worth of laundry. I thought that the day felt calm, happy, easy. I didn't feel teary.
Andy got home from work early and I eventually made it to the grocery store. I can honestly say that in my adult life, girls nights out(a rarity) and solo trips to the grocery store(another rarity) give me life. 
I slowly gathered my necessities (dog food, milk- all I really came for) and waited in line behind a very old man who struggled to find his cash. I didn't mind of course, because when mom alone time hits, it can go as slow as it wants. The man finally paid and made his way out of the store. The man was so old and slow. He had a cane and shuffled. He reminded me of my Padaddy. He was trying to make his way to his car, but it seemed that his feet marched in place and his body wouldn't move forward. The cashier and I watched and commented that the precious old man needed an automated buggy. I made my way out of the store and felt a pull to ask him if I could assist to which he obliged. 
My sign. I don't know why. 
I walked precious Charles Wilson to his truck as he held my buggy until we got to his truck in which he held on to the side and walked around. I felt the urge to hug him and tell him I loved him. I got in my car and thanked God. 
My forever fear with my dad was that he lost his mind because he didn't understand that he was loved. I know that I am probably wrong, but I have worried over this for years, even before. If my dad knew he was loved by his Creator, his Father in Heaven, maybe it would cover the mental illness. Maybe it would cover all of the bad. I still pray that in death he would know that my God loved him. 
So yesterday, I passed my love on to Charles Wilson. I teared up in my car. I thought about what I wouldn't give to have walked my frail, old dad to his car. What I wouldn't give to hug him. You can't hug away a mental illness, but Lord knows, if I could, I would die trying. 

(My Grandma Ruth with my girls)

Friday, July 7, 2017

Greer baby gone wild.

Twice this week I have looked over to Greer after she's been hard at playing to find her with her "ninnies" out. It's so funny because Drew knows how important it is to cover hers. When she sees Greer she yells "Oh no mommy! Greer is showing her ninnies!" Sometimes she will get on to Greer as if she should know better. She will say " Greer, cover them up!"
 This has made me laugh so much lately.
 So anyway, I give you a morning of following Greer and trying to keep her straps up.

Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Knock knock, anyone still there?

My mom told me that someone asked about my blog recently and when I would begin again.  I felt like saying when I get a grip on life. I am here tonight. Still no handle on life. Frankly, I don't know that I ever will!
(Insert picture of me in the typical trending mom tee captioned "need more coffee," "#momboss," "tired like a mother," etc., etc., etc.)
 I finished grad school! (Hence why I have a spare minute to be present here.)
 So a quick catch up on Greer baby: 
She's 1! (And I never got through month three of her monthly stickers:(#badmom)
She crawled around month 9 and is walking as of last week.
She enjoys grabbing her sister's hair, pretending she wants to hand you a toy and then snatching it away, and walking the same route in the house like an old lady at the mall. She has a signature walk- it's like a mix between a zombie and a salsa dancer. She says "dada," "nana," and very rarely "mama." She is happy and smiling 90% of the time.
Drew loves Greer so much. She gets easily annoyed with her, obviously, but generally she loves her. She loves to tickle, squeeze, and make her laugh. Greer's feelings are mutual. She thinks Drew hung the moon, or light fixtures in general because she's pretty fascinated with those as well.
 Drew just finished up 3 year pre-k. She loved her school and teachers. I could never express my gratitude for her sweet school and all that she learned. Just this weekend she told Andy, "Daddy, you're not the boss of everyone, only Jesus." Tell em, girl.
This girl is so darn smart, but I am learning you have to be careful about what you say and how you say it. Drew says the best stuff all the time and this is something else that sticks out..
I ask Drew to buckle herself into her car seat every day. It's her way of helping me move faster and I think it's good for fine motor skills (Am I right teacher friends??) The actual process takes her a good minute. The other day she was getting ticked off with her seat belt and said "Mommy, it's not coperating!) I mean, hello, did my baby just say cooperating?? One minute Drew, and I'll get that stinkin seat belt to coperate for you.
 Andy and I celebrated 9 years of marriage at the beginning of May. 9 years is so long! We've been through some real thick, but more thin. I love him more today than yesterday and the many days before. I miss him more than ever as well. As I write this, he is on a plane to California for the third week in a row. He has been traveling each week basically since January. For the most part, he's only gone two to three nights during the week, but due to some changes at work, he's been gone the entire work week the past month. We are thankful he always makes it home for the weekends and we pray that he can get some time at his actual office so we can visit him all summer.
Andy, we love you! You are the BEST! The best!!
 Speaking of 9 years, I can't help but think about how fast time flies and how fast these babies are growing up. As I was cleaning up the camper while Greer napped earlier today, I thought about how one day, I will be picking up after two teenage girls. I was thinking about how one day, I will be spending the holiday weekend with them knowing they won't be going home with me, but will be going back to college, or to their own families. 
Heartbreaking stuff and yet, I did it to my own mother. Growing up is wonderful and sad all wrapped up in one.
I say that, but I don't take their growing up years for granted. I pray hard the Lord gives us all many years to watch each other grow. Time can feel cruel with its haste to grow up squishy babies, but oh how I want them to live and grow and learn to love even more than they know how to now.
Some days this motherhood can be so overwhelming and even underwhelming, and I forget to pray for His plan in it all. I recently found myself wondering how God will bring forth His glory from my little family. In the haste of this life, I don't want to forget to pause often and reflect on His path.
So here is my reminder and yours too, pause and reflect on His path. I'm going to go do that now:)
Thanks for reading if you made it this far!

Monday, January 9, 2017


 Greer's favorite game.
 She also loves it when sister jumps in her crib.

 I see you little teethies!(6 teeth- the top 4 came in while I was in Virginia!)

Saturday, January 7, 2017

snow fail

Drew was upset to wake up to yard without snow. I think we all were, right?
We told her Elsa turned the snow to ice and froze the land. She loved that. She ran to her room to put on her Elsa dress and spent the morning pretending to ice us. We finally got outside this afternoon and she was pleased licking the ice and crunching it with her boots. 
And since there was no real snow... I improvised.

Thursday, December 29, 2016


 Santa brought Drew a bike and Andy and I were excited to take her to ride it. Today was warm and overcast and a perfect time to learn.
 But when I think things should be perfect they are often the opposite.
 Drew felt insecure on the bike and kept wanting to get off. We wanted her to try it out and wanted her to understand that the training wheels would prevent the bike from falling over. We didn't get far before what seemed like no end to the crying and whining. 
As a mother of a three year old, I try to remember that this is her age. Part of me though, thinks that maybe she's giving up at the first feeling of fear. That worries me a little. Of course, then I worry that I shouldn't be worried over a tot learning to ride a bike. Parenthood is hard. There is no right and wrong answer. 
We encouraged her to stay on the bike until we got to this pretty gazebo and then walked the bike back. We praised her for trying and cheered when she remembered to use the brakes. We were frustrated over the crying mainly as so much is a whiny issue these days. Is it age? I have heard from so many that two and three are hard ages. I don't want to be to hard on my girl, but I also want to encourage her to be brave and to try things knowing mommy and daddy are right there with her.
I could ruminate on these thoughts for way too long.
 I was playing with Drew at the park yesterday and pretending with her and I thought to myself how fast she turned into a little girl with such a huge imagination. I thought about how quickly Greer would do the same.

 I hope I can give this girl grace when she needs it and know when to hug her hard for all of her three year old frustration.