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Wednesday, May 6, 2009

positive news on negative thoughts

I am a control freak. I worry about everything including things I have absolutely no control over, ie. the weather, who might die in a car accident, etc. My worry possess me to attempt to control the world and people around me. Maybe it has effected you.
My husband, sweet man that he is, has brought my attention to this fact and that overall it can make me seem very negative at times. Me negative? I have never viewed myself as a negative person. I guess this is what growing up and "finding yourself" is all about.
So this post is sort of dedicated to our one year anniversary and Mr. Broome.
Its really a big "thank you." Thanks to you Mr. Broome for pointing out the negative parts of me. When made aware of them, I see how imperfect I am and though this sounds sarcastic, it is true. No one should go about life thinking they are patched together perfectly with precisely stitched seams, and a glowing warmth for those around. By pointing out the negative you have further proved my need for forgiveness and love that only the Lord can give in as much abundance as I need.
If I sound too hard on myself, please believe I'm not.
A little background- Andy had become agitated with my taking things he said out of context, getting upset over small things, expecting him to be where I wanted him, how I wanted him, when I wanted him, doing what I wanted him to do, etc,etc. See how its all about me? And when these situations didn't play out how I wanted them to, I was negative.
I worried that if things didn't go my way that my plans for life might fall apart, that Andy would tire of me, that I wouldn't be happy, etc,etc. Worry is such a consuming thing. Thats why the Lord tell us to have faith, not worry, but isn't that so much easier said than done?
So I am a work in progress. Not close to perfection but finding the perfect love and comfort in the Lord.
I tell you this to share and be accountable for what I say I will change about myself.
I know my close friends who read this will know its true.
And Mr. Broome, I love you and your continuing effort to love me even when I can be negative.

1 comment:

Mindabelle said...

awww what a beautiful self-realization post.

everyone is negative sometimes so yes i still think you're being hard on yourself.

It is different not being the "good one" in a relationship...not in the sense that you're not good...but in the sense that you have an equally great person you're linked to that will helps you work on yourself everyday. As opposed to the past relationships (well in my case anyway) where I was the "good one" because my other was cheatin', lyin' or stealin' ( i have no evidence that one of my boyfriends were actually stealin'...but i still have my suspicions...) Anyway, i just think that's great that you have a mate that challenges you to re-evaluate yourself. Its a blessing and I'm happy for you.