Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Clara Greer

Sweet Clara Greer,
At a time when the world felt like it was falling apart and we realized we were about to take a new path in life, the Lord gave me a feeling. 
You know, for a week or so, I went to bed every night feeling sick. It didn't alarm me, I didn't really think much of it. Life had taken some drastic turns and I didn't feel like myself as it was. But one night, I couldn't help but acknowledge that maybe just maybe the nausea was something else. For some bizzaro reason I had a pregnancy test in the bathroom and I took it.
There you were in a very faded pink line and I immediately felt sicker and cried. I walked in our room and told your daddy. He was completely confused and teary. The good kind of teary. It was late, it was unpredictable(sort of), and it was unbelievable timing. You see, I had just taken this huge leap to quit my job and stay home with your sister while finishing my Master's degree. 
So you can imagine our confusion. A baby? All of these changes at once?
We announced the news to the family at your sister's second birthday party. I am pretty certain no one believed us at first. And because it was so memorable, everyone asked if I was pregnant at your sister's third birthday this year. 
Fast forward to April. You know, it's a hard thing to prepare for a little person when you've never had one of your own before. It's even scarier when you've had one and you're worried the next will be just like their colicky sister. (We love you, Drew!)
I was prepared. I knew well how to rock a colicky baby. I knew what remedies would help. I knew the Lord would give me sanity for the hard days and harder nights.
You came at night just like your sister. I laid in bed for maybe an hour before I told your daddy I felt like it was the night. I had timed contractions that seemed to be getting closer together. They hurt and I didn't want to miss my opportunity to get to the hospital to get an epidural. We called the Dr.'s office and low and behold Dr. Dodson was on call. Literally, we love her so much and really only wanted her to deliver. Dodson had her doubts that I was in "real" labor, but told us to come in anyway. We knew just where to go. Through the emergency room and wait for them to send us up.  Nurses began checking my vitals, the pain grew exponentially, they wanted to wait to give me medicine, I cried and cried, and your daddy says I was fist pumping the air like I was at a rave. It was all a big blur. 
Until they handed me my sweet baby girl. Quiet and unassuming were you, Greer. No dramatic entrance, a few pushes and there you were. I had significant trouble nursing your sister. I feared I would with you too. You latched on perfectly though and nursed forever. You slept on my chest for hours, literally hours before they moved us to a room and took you to the nursery. We had to wait for a room to be available so they left us together in the delivery room. I snuggled you so much and soaked in your sweet new scent and napped off and on. Your daddy and I talked about how sweet and calm you were. Each time you would come from the nursery, you had the sweetest little look on your face. You nursed and snuggled and did it all so quietly. We sure missed our Drew during our hospital stay, but we loved the quiet time with our mysterious new baby. The hospital stay was actually fun and we were kind of sad to leave. You and I had the BEST nurses. One who let us in on the secret that unlimited popsicles and Sprite were available across from our room. It was like a vacation. I am not even joking. Andy, can we go back? 
We predicted you would be like your sister. Quiet in the hospital but screaming when we got home. 
 Completely the opposite, Greer. It took us a minute to figure out you would be a belly sleeper like your sister, but once we learned this.. let's just say I won't talk about how amazing a sleeper you are. I won't say it out loud because that would just be CRAZY. But really. 12 hours is your minimum. Girl has to get her beauty sleep!
You are generally happy. You cry in the car, but maybe you're getting a little better about that. You smile when you wake and we roll you over. You smile at your sister. You smile at the baby in the mirror. You smile all the time. 
I thank the Lord for my sweet, smiling Greer. He knew just what we needed that we didn't know we wanted. You have been a dream, sweet Greer. I pinch myself sometimes. Is it real that this happy, babbling baby is mine? 
Your sister loves you too. She loves to kiss your face and rub her cheeks against yours. She's learning that you are delicate and that you can't be carried across the room like one of her babies. 
Your daddy loves your babbling. We hear you from your play mat yammering on and we both look at each other and giggle. What a joyful sack of sugar you are. I look at you sometimes and wonder where all of the joy comes from. It just pours from your grin, your bright eyes, and your wiggling, kicking legs.
We love you so much, Greer. You fill our world with so much happiness. I couldn't have predicted my heart could grow to love another little girl, but God is good and my heart explodes. You and your sister are our everything. There is nothing in the world that could stop us from loving you two. 
In a year where I doubted God's love for me, you came. You, Greer, an immediate reminder that I am truly loved and cared for by our Lord. I hope you will always know that. 
Love,
Your Mama

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